"Extreme" \ik-ˈstrēm\ adjective: exceeding the ordinary, usual, or expected "Christian" \ˈkris-chən adjective: of or relating to Christianity

Friday, May 22, 2015


Mother’s Day has come and gone, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t still celebrate our mothers, especially mine because she is the bomb diggity and the best mother ever…just saying.

We all know they totally deserve all the love, attention and praise they receive on their special day, just alone for all the crap we put them through and for the fact that they haven’t killed us as a result of it.

With that said, we shouldn’t limit our appreciation of them to only one day because they deserve way much more than that, probably way more than we will ever be able to repay.

All mothers aren’t the same (I know I was just as shocked as you when I first learned this), you may find this hard to believe considering they all share the same name (which is “mom” of course), but they are all unique and wonderful in their own right.

I wanted to share a little bit about my mother with all of you wild and crazy internet folks, that way you could better understand why I am the way I am, and know exactly who to blame when I get out of hand and start causing a ruckus.

Okay, here goes…

M is for Majesty, because that is exactly how she handles herself, with such grace and class.

England may have its queen, but in all honesty, she is nothing more than a mere peasant compared to my dear mum.

She is our Elizabeth Taylor, minus a few ex-husbands of course.

O is for Outstanding, because that is exactly what she is.

She is one in a million, a diamond in the rough, a beautiful heart in our otherwise dark and dreary world.

She will do anything for anyone; no questions asked and without an extended hand looking for something in return.

T is for Thug, because she may look all sweet and innocent on the outside, but on the inside she has the spirit of a straight up gangsta.

To paraphrase the great poet Charlie Sheen, “She’s different. She has a different constitution, she has a different brain, and she has a different heart. She’s got tiger blood, man”. Winning!

She has knocked out more scrubs than Mike Tyson did in his heyday, and not just with her fists either; I’ve witnessed her putting punks down for a nap with things like cast iron skillets, something you would see right out of a Looney Tunes cartoon.

I don’t want you to think that she just went around attacking random individuals like some crazed maniac, because that’s not the case, all of her opponents had it coming, let’s just say they were all members of the “Ray Rice fan club” if you catch my drift.

There’s no doubt in my mind that the woman can hold her own, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee and cook her ass off like nobody's business...ee.

H is for Humor, because she is one of the funniest mutha fuggers around.

Forget Kevin Hart, Dane Cook and Amy Schumer, my mother will leave you in stitches and wetting your pants like a newborn baby.

Please don’t fall, slip or trip in her presence, because she will laugh uncontrollably like a mad hyena on crack.

I must admit though, it does make the whole experience a lot less uncomfortable and more entertaining for all those involved.

Yo' mama jokes, no problem, she can get down and dirty with the best of them.

E is for Exceptional, because in a time full of such hate, anger and destruction, a beacon of light, hope and love.

She is a shining example of what we as individuals should strive to be, a magnificent representation of what God had in mind when he created us, a pure blessing for sure.

Full of warmth and affection which she openly shares with any and everyone who she comes in contact with.

Makes a stranger feel so welcome that they forget they just met her and haven’t known her for many years.

R is for Righteous, because she is someone who would never intentionally mislead and/or misuse anyone.

Her actions and deeds are out of genuine love and concern for her fellow people, not one of self-bias and/or selfish gain.

Someone you can always depend on, undoubtedly trust and will do everything in her power to put (and keep) a smile on your face.

Well there you have it my friends, a rare glimpse into who my mother is.

Remember; don’t wait for a particular day/occasion to show your mothers just how much they mean to you, because if you do you may just end up with a lost opportunity and lots of unfortunate regrets.

Love you mom.